I start my day with intention — time to meditate on scripture, prayers of intercession, silence, then journaling. Afterward, I prioritize the day’s tasks and listen for my “power word” and affirmation. But today, this thought came to mind, “Rejection is a monster” and I began to journal.
Rejection is a monster. To be discarded or dismissed can pierce the emotional heart like a dagger and make you feel true physical pain. Yes, science tells us that the pain of rejection is stored in the brain in the same way as physical pain and the memory of the emotional pain of rejection can last a lifetime.
Photo by Mahdi Bafande on Unsplash
Here’s my ah-ha story. Several years ago, I attended a conference while perusing
the literature area, I ran into a fellow that I knew in high school. He spoke to me, and although I didn’t remember his name, he remembered mine. I was pleasant but his body language and tone of voice indicated that he was bothered. He brought to my attention that in high school he asked me out and I said something hurtful to him. Remembering the kind of person I was in high school, I do not doubt that I said it. So, I sincerely apologized and told him I was a very different person now. But I was at least 60 years old at that conference encounter which meant he carried the feelings of those words from high school to that time. Now it was fine to prefer not to date him and to say so, but I did not have to use my words to cause him to experience intentional hurtful rejection. Rejection is the feeling of being unwanted, unaccepted, abandoned, and unloved and it’s a monster. It plants seeds of poison in the mind and if deep roots grow it can cause one to put up fences of protection that close out love that can be trusted or send one looking for love in all the wrong places.
Rejection, the act of being shut out, blackballed, excluded, and ostracized is a monster. It steals, kills, and destroys. It can kill dreams and ambition. It can destroy hope, identity, and vision. It steals energy, joy, and confidence. Rejection is not only a monster but is also a very effective tool that can be used to manipulate, gain unfair advantage and power, and develop and design systems.
I am participating in a Sacred Ground group. “Sacred Ground, a part of the Beloved Community Initiative of the Episcopal Church, is a film-based dialogue series on Race and Faith that invites the community to participate with open hearts in transformational conversations about race.” In these conversations which of course, center around the social, political, and religious practices of our nation, from its inception to our present there seems to be, in my opinion, a consistent variable that is deeply rooted and anchors our identity and it is not freedom. It is the rejection of others, intergenerational rejection.
Now, I think about the person who is always angry, always ready to fight and I wonder has rejection touched you? I think about the dear one who self-medicates, is running from life itself, and can’t seem to find their way and I wonder, has rejection touched you? I hear your music, your words, and your tone and I wonder, has rejection touched you? I think of the ones who are always pessimistic, afraid to dream, and always see the worst-case scenario and I wonder, has rejection touched you? You may say, Wanda, all of us experience rejection at one time or another and you’re so right. But the driving force behind the rejection, the extent of the rejection, and the mental and emotional capacity of the one experiencing the rejection are key.
So why am I sharing my journal entry? What’s my point?
I want us to self-correct, and think about the power of rejection and how we use it against others.
I want us to be concerned about how it is used in institutions and systems to impact the lives of people you know, people you love, and people you don’t know.
Finally, I want us to value fairness in the treatment of others, opportunities for others, and respect for others.
Rejection is a monster. How do you handle a monster? You tame it.
Always encouraging reflection,
WandaP
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