Letting Go of Regret: A Journey Toward Healing

Photo Credit William Farlow Unsplash

We all have regrets. Some are small, while others weigh more heavily into our hearts. One of my most painful regrets revolved around my second sister, whom I dearly love. She was a warrior; strong, full of faith, and rarely one to show weakness or ask for help. She battled end-stage kidney disease with resilience and determination, even as she underwent dialysis several days a week. Because she appeared to be managing well, I assumed she was okay.

Early in her treatment, I had been more hands-on — taking her to appointments, waiting for her during dialysis, and learning more about the challenges she was living with. But as time went on and because she was so self-sufficient, I didn’t check on her as often as I should have.

Then, the day came that changed everything. I was home, busy with chores when she crossed my mind. I thought, “I’ll call her tomorrow. I’ll finish this laundry tonight and we’ll have more time to talk.” But there was no tomorrow. My sister passed away unexpectedly that night, December 21, 2014 following a dialysis treatment.

The regret was overwhelming. I replayed everything I should have done differently. Why didn’t I check in more? Why didn’t I just call that day? I regretted not asking the right questions, not being more involved, and not seeing signs that she might have needed me. In the days that followed her death, I learned things that deepened my sorrow. She was on the kidney transplant list and eligible for a kidney- a lifeline that she declined after seeking advice from someone who wasn’t a wise source.

Regret is a heavy burden. It lingers in our hearts, whispering reminders of the choices we wish we could undo, the words we wish we could take back, and the opportunities we let slip through our fingers. Left unchecked, regret can chain us to our past, robbing us of the hope and joy God intends for us today.

Trusting God With My Regret

In dealing with my regret, I studied two men who dealt with the heavy burden of regret but in strikingly different ways. Judas and Peter both failed Christ in devastating ways. Peter denied knowing him when his support was needed most. Judas betrayed him for money with a kiss of endearment. Both of them felt deep regret for their actions, but their responses to handling regret were different.

Judas allowed regret to isolate him. He carried the weight of his guilt all alone and in his despair, he chose a path that led to his death. I wondered if he realized the mercy and forgiveness that were available to him.

Peter, on the other hand, brought his regret back to Christ. He didn’t let his failure define him. When Christ appeared to him after the resurrection, Peter didn’t run away. He ran toward mercy and forgiveness and came away with a testimony of grace from Christ. Peter was then able to extend grace to himself which enabled him to continue life with a renewed purpose.

For a long time, I carried the weight of what I felt was negligence. It was crushing. But I realized from this study and with therapy, God never meant for us to live in the shadow of our mistakes. We’re invited to lay them at his feet. When we trust Him with our regrets, we acknowledge that His grace is much bigger than our mistakes and we can move forward without the condemnation of regret. This doesn’t mean that we just forget our mistakes. On the contrary, we embrace them as tools for growth, wisdom, and compassion because they can shape us into people who reflect grace to others.

There are several definitions for grace, but in its simplicity, let’s call it kindness freely given.

As we stand on the threshold of Christmas, this last Sunday in Advent invites us to bring everything we carry - our hopes, our longings, and yes even our regrets- to the Christ Child. Like the Magi who laid their gifts before the Savior, we too, can come with what we have, even if it feels unworthy. Regret may not seem like a gift, but when placed at the feet of Jesus, it becomes an offering of surrender! Christ transforms our burdens into grace, our failures into new beginnings, and our wounds into healing. Let this Advent be the moment we let go of the past and embrace hope, peace, and renewal that only Christ can give.

Always encouraging reflection,

WandaP